Scallop Attack and the Discovery of the Clam Messiah
The story of the turning point in world history

On a fateful summer day, Clambo was clamming on the Great South Bay. While still unaware of the real nature of the clams, his enlightenment was forthcoming...

As he did the dance of the clammer in the mud flats of the GSB (Great South Bay), this pubescent Long Islander did come across a clam. He discovered it as all amateur clammers do, with his toes. As he was standing in four or five feet of water at the time, he had to do the blub-arisha, or the "dunk of the clammer" and go below the water to reach for the clam. As he submerged himself below the tepid waters of the Bay, he was violently attacked. He felt a sudden blow to his neck as if by a Library Ninja. He came close to losing his breath, reached for the unseen enemy at his adam's apple and surfaced. Upon opening his hand, he spied a scallop therein, which proceeded to spit at him. The boy laughed, maintained his stance on the clam below him, and dunked again, this time returning with the clam.

Just as the teen was about to place his trophies in his bag-o-clams, there rose a great oulumph-glug-glug-spit noise from all the clams of the Flats.

And the clam in his hand spoke to him. "Our legends have spoken to us of one such as you, one who will be attacked by a scallop and not drown in approximately 4.5 feet of water-type-stuff. He will be the one who will lead us in the great Jibblet (holy war) against other Mollusks, Crustaceans, Gastropods, Sponges, Cnidarians, Cephalopoda, Brachiopoda, Bryzoans, Arthropoda, Uniramia, Echinodermata, Hemichordata, and vertebrate phylum as well, but I'd have to look them up to give you their names."

The teen who was to be known as Clambo responded, "It's alright, I'll let you live. But the next time you don't know all the phylum of the Animalium, I'll club ya!"

"Ahhhhhhh-glug-lumph-gulumph!" cried all the clams in the mud as they waved their siphons merrily. "We have truly found the leader that we seek," said the clam that rested in his hand. What then followed was a ceremony of a very secret and unspeakable nature in which the young boy, child, teen boy, young adult, teenager, pubescent kid, partook of the mind-altering drug, Clamwater/Piels beer. When it was done, he was part of them, and they were part of him (yecch), and he ruled the holy lands of the Clam Flats with an option to buy.