Clambo Meets a John The Baptist-type Fellow

And it was in the fifth Year of our Clam (YOOC, the new calendar system devised by Clambo whilst under the influence of the drug, Clamwater/Piels beer), that Clambo did take the first step towards becoming a man: He became a freshman (freshclam?) at mega-U. Shortly after his arrival, Clambo was tempted to the criminal element (the dark side?) of mega-U. He wandered down this long dark path for a while, encountering prophets along the way. One from Ecuador said, "The sexes will never understand each other, and babies come from outer space," while another from Brooklyn said, "Horking scrap iron is the move."

You can probably appreciate Clambo's confusion. Several weeks later, however, the path was shown to Clambo, and the path was CONFUSION. Through a man who shared his middle name, Ed, Clambo met two wise men, who possessed great taste in music and appreciated having a good time. One appeared as a fish (a more recent guise being that of an aardvark), and the other was Jon, not John as in John the Baptist, although the two did play a similar role in Clambo's history, and both were sons of Abraham.

AND NOW A BRIEF INTERMISSION:

la la la, la la la (Pee Wee Herman voice)

"Strangers in the Night" plays softly in the background

Noise of many people eating pickles.

Shuffling, coughing, and mumbling.

It was Halloween, and Clambo was looking for a good time. Unfortunately, however, Halloween, the actual day, fell on a Thursday that year. Not to be deprived of his fun though, Clambo dressed up in his best Clamsoldier garb and headed to the room of the wise men. Upon arriving, the Clam messiah found that they were being no fun at all. In fact, they were going to sleep, and talking about going to classes the next day. Humph, who goes to class the day after Halloween, I mean isn't it some sort of unofficial holiday or something? Anyway, a disgruntled Clambo was heading off the floor when he did indeed find fun in the form of an unlocked Circuit Breaker board. These people were asking for it, leaving something fun like that exposed on Halloween!

It was then that Clambo did get in trouble. He turned off the power for the entire wing. He failed to get off the floor fast enough, for no sooner did the power go off than people rushed to their doors and look to see what the trouble was. Clambo was snagged, several large people demanded that he rectify the situation. Here was a place where his clam legions were powerless. He figured that he could either put the big fellow who was threatening him in the hospital and get arrested, or apologize and slip away. Option two was chosen and Clambo escaped.

Clambo did not realize the repercussions which can occur when one turns off the power on a floor, even for a moment. The extremely wise men came to him the following day and asked him if he had done the evil deed, and being a clam of truth, he had to say yes. They told him of how many people on the floor possessed digital clocks, and how they had missed classes and tests the next morning, due to his evilness. The incredibly wise men suggested that he stay away from the floor for a while.

The fish compiled a name for him: He was to be known as Clambo. The ceremony this time had something to do with the festival of the moons of Meepsor and a greased grax in a pit, but Clambo is not sure, everything was fuzzy, like a bearded clam. The ceremony was strange and mysterious, and it is not clear what it had to do with clams, but he went along with it anyway because he thought the new name was fitting. More recently he has begun to suspect that the wise men are devils or demons of some sort, but has kept the name Clambo and adopted the title, "Clambo, King of the Bivalves."

Besides, the name is nice... (You will keep the name, you will be King of the Bivalves, you will follow the nameless one, he saves, Use Tide! (subliminal message), whirl-o-matic watch it spin, isn't it nice, don't you love it, isn't it great, you know it is.)

Hunh? Where was I?

(the nameless one is the best!)