Untitled Document

Clambo was in need of cash flow real bad, so he acquired not one, but two jobs for the summer. One was a job for a florist, and the other a security guard job. As a greenhouse worker, Clambo acquired a Duchy and an Earldom. And as a security guard, Clambo consolidated his position as God of Stickshift.

One day while watering the geraniums, Clambo became fed up. He felt frustrated that royalty should have to work such shit jobs 7 days a week just to make ends meet. He shouted aloud, "I am Clambo, King of the Bivalves!!!!"

All of the geraniums perked up, their leaves becoming bright green with elation. One of the large hanging baskets of pink geraniums (known as "Sweet Thoughts") spoke up tentatively, "Royalty amongst our presence, how can this be?"

The geraniums mumbled to one another, and Clambo stood aghast. From what he was able to pick up, geraniums had a colony mind similar to clams, and lacked a true leader to unify them into a coherent government. They are only truly happy when united together in a greenhouse and properly taken care of.

Finally Clambo spoke up, saying in a booming voice (geraniums are very easily influenced by theatrics), "Yes, I am your true leader, the one you have waited for through so many winters and spring plantings! I was here when the first geranium budded a flower, and will be here long after the sun never rises!"

Thus using his booming announcers voice, experience in acting, Elton John sunglasses, and a liberal supply of fertilizer gleaned from his boss' store, Clambo was able to win over the geraniums. While not really the Messiah he claimed to be, Clambo's duplicity gained a powerful land based ally for the upcoming clam Jibblet (holy war), the result of which will be the domination of the world by the Bivalves.

Acquiring a Earldom is much easier. All one has to do is spend a week in the blazing sun planting one thousand mums into 6-inch pots, and set up a watering system for them. They appoint you as their leader out of sheer gratitude.