Clambo Becomes a Social Scientist

As you may or may not recall, oh true believer, Clambo used his geology major status as a clever front. It was useful in its time for the ability it gave him to perform criminal activities unscathed by prosecution. As UB geology professor Rossman Giese stated on the first day of class for Clambo's first geology course, "You have to assume that 'No Trespassing' signs don't apply to you because you're just doing research." Clambo knew then that he'd picked the right major.

But all fronts must end at one time or another. Such deception is no longer necessary as criminal activity is, in fact, hazardous to Clambo's security guard position. Such a job allows Clambo to earn needed cash flow while giving him the opportunity to continue writing the Holy Word (as he is doing now). A more practical major was needed.

Clambo's middle name, Ed, had been giving him some flak about his culinary practices. In fact, Clambo had been witnessed on a number of occasions eating New England clam chowder. He led a short-lived revolution which, fortunately, was crushed by the timely intervention of Clambo's crack squad of Paratroop Petunias. This made it painfully obvious that change was needed.

It came to the Messiah's attention that pollution had become a serious problem to the bivalves of the world. Their shallow water communities are sensitive to the influx of the contaminants of man. Once introduced, these foreign substances clog the commissure, or foul the lophophore and other soft body parts of the future rulers of the world.

Upon discovering this, and upon discovering that all his credits would transfer smoothly, Clambo became an Environmental Scientist. This, along with the promise that he would rectify their current situation, quieted the angry and growing seeds of rebellion. (Cutting down on clam chowder consumption didn't hurt, either).

While he was at it, Clambo decided to go all the way in his new field of endeavor: He decided to get a double degree. He became a geography major as well, after performing quite well in the required course, "Map Folding 101". This is a two-credit lab course in which the students learn how to fold maps under a variety of different conditions, including while blindfolded, rock-climbing, driving, and lecturing to fellow geographers.

And to those who claim that "Social science is an oxymoron," Clambo's reply is, "Oxen don't look like that, and stop calling me a moron."